


Hunting Johnlock

by Lycanthrope



Category: Slash and Burn (Podcast)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:19:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lycanthrope/pseuds/Lycanthrope
Summary: It will happen. Kera knows it and when it does. She's going to be there to witness it.Written as a gift to the Slash and Burn Podcast





	

“So Justin.” John’s voice chimed through the speakers, laughter behind his words. “He takes this scalpel…” The voice reduced in volume as Kera turned the dial on the volume until it was almost off. Leaving the story to drone on, muffled in the background. 

“I’m sorry John.” Kera said standing and stretching her arms out behind her as she stood, muscles pulling and bones cracking as she did. “But I can’t deal with another work story right now.” She shook out her limbs and padded over to the kitchen. The term kitchen was probably a little generous for what she walked into. The only divide between it and the dark living room was marked by the change in flooring, from thin dark carpet into beige lino. At least the floor wasn’t sticky anymore. 

Kera opened a cupboard, lifting up some packets and moving them around. It wasn’t empty, not in the strictest sense. It just didn’t have anything she wanted. So it might as well have been. 

She grunted and moved on, hoping that a drink might alleviate some of the boredom hunger. 

“Good morning campers!” Steve announced as he entered the room, a wide smile, a chipper demeanour and most importantly a bag in each hand. “How goes the stalking?” 

“Are they snacks?” Kera asked. “And it’s not stalking.” 

Steve looked at her and without moving his eyes swept a hand around the tiny apartment room. The audio system look up most of the floor space. Bulking black and oppressive with only enough space for two tiny chairs to be placed in what little room it didn’t take up. There were only three windows that looked out onto Baker Street. One was furnished with its own telescope. All of the others had at least one set of binoculars resting on the sill. That didn’t include the night vison goggles Kera had left in the bathroom, after experimenting with them and the less said about how all of the audio bugs had ended up in 221b Baker Street the better. 

Kera however shook her head. “Nope. Still don’t see it.” 

Steve sighed, his whole body deflating as he did. “You’re impossible sometimes.” 

“Just sometimes?” Kera asked stepping over and trying to look through the handles in the bags he carried. 

“Take it and go.” Steve said showing the snacks towards her. 

She took it with a gleeful smile. “Yay.” She said flatly, more preoccupied with what Steve had brought her. 

“You’re welcome.” Steve said resting the other bag down on one of the chairs, then plucking up one of the sets of binoculars from the windowsill. “Builders all done?” He asked looking across the road 

“Doesn’t look like it.” Kera said pulling soda and cookies from the bag and laying them out on the counter in a neat line. “They put up some more scaffold, got distracted by anything that walked past in a skirt and I think actually painted a square foot of the wall. Then I think they got hungry and just sort of left.” 

“You think they got hungry?” Steve asked looking at each window across the street apart from the one the whole room had been set up to run surveillance on. He was more bored of that room than he was of this one. 

“They’re all going for Chinese.” Kera corrected. “Really, those microphones we got were a bargain.” 

“Or John and Sherlock keep forgetting to close the windows when they go out.” Steve pointed out. 

“That too.” Kera said as she looked along the line of all the snacks, tapping her bottom lip as she tried to decide what she wanted first. “Either way it gives me something to listen to when they’re not there in the day. Or when Sherlock does his staring into space for hours on end, thing.” 

“Most people prefer a radio.” Steve said dropping the binoculars down again. Letting them bounce onto their side and turned towards his friend. “So are they banging yet?” 

The glare Kera sent his way might have made a lesser man cower under its heat. “No.” She grumbled and settled on chocolate chip cookies. Taking them up and practically hugging them as she ripped the packet. “They don’t even have a cool case to bond over. Just John talking about work. I can’t decide who stops listening first. Me or Sherlock. How is John ever supposed to win him when he’s being so boring.” 

“Ever think it’s just not meant to be?” Steve asked and as he looked up and meet Kera’s eye he actually did cower. Flinching low and holding up his hands against it. “Alright. Next question. Why don’t you just go over there and tell them that.” 

“You mean apart from the crazy lady who just turned up on your door step isn’t who you should be taking relationship advice from?” 

“Yeah.” Steve said, waving a hand dismissively. “Apart from that.” 

“Because it wouldn’t be organic.” Kera stated flopping down into her chair and turning up the volume on her audio surveillance system. Just loud enough for the sounds to be heard over their conversation. Not to actually hear the words. There was only so many times she could hear about someone with something stuck up their but in an ER before it just stopped being funny. She’d admit. It had taken a lot but still. She’d hit her limit. “It wouldn’t be pure.” 

“But it would be sex.” Steve said waving a finger at her to try to convince her he had a point. Where he didn’t, he just really wanted to be able to get out of this room. “Pure, naked, organic sex.” 

“Now you’re just using my words against me.” Kera complained and she nibbled on her cookies. “Did you bring milk?” 

“No.” Steve said. “Don’t we have some?” 

She sighed and that was all the answer he needed. “It’s so your turn.” 

“I know.” She said but the only movement she made was to lift some binoculars, take a quick glance at the apartment across the street and then sit back. “Why are they so boring?” She asked. 

“Because they’re people.” Steve said groaning as he sat in the other vacant seat. “We’re all boring.” 

“It’s not supposed to be this way.” Kera said. “I don’t want to see them discuss dinner or share work stories that no one is interested in.” 

“You just want to see them bang.” 

“Just the first time!” Kera said, as thought that made it more socially acceptable. “Just once. Then I’m out. We’re done.” 

"Then what are we going to do with all this stuff?” Steve asked waving a hand around the cramped room. 

“Return it.” Kera scoffed. “The tags are still on it all.” 

“I don’t think it works that way.” Steve said. 

Kera only raised an eyebrow at him. 

Without looking away Steve reached out to turn up the volume on the system. Anything to break the silence. Only the two men were also quiet on the line. So the effect was somewhat lost. “This is starting to get awkward.” He said after the silence and the staring – oh god the staring- had been going on for an uncomfortable stretch of time. 

“Starting?” Kera asked turning in her seat. Convinced she had won the silent argument she had been having with Steve. Even if Steve wasn’t aware of it. She’d won. 

Steve cleared his throat, reaching to take the cookies. “Why are they so quiet?” 

“I think they’re going to bed.” Kera stated looking through the binoculars. “It’s a bit early.” She leaned forward in her seat. “And they’ve closed the curtains in the living room. That’s odd.” She reached under the chair and pulled up a small faux leather bound note book. Pulling on the pencil she had been using as a book mark, then scanning the current page and the few behind it. “They only do that for Sherlock’s experiments.” She frowned and glared down at the speaker system. “And he’s not muttering random streams of numbers.” 

“You’ve been doing this too long.” Steve stated. “Maybe you should go out tomorrow. See some sunshine.” 

“Shhh.” Kera hissed at him turning up the volume until they could hear the static. Pointing at it when she heard a shallow bang. “What was that?” 

“It’s an old house.” Steve shrugged. “Strange noises are part of the charm.” He also frowned when he heard what could only be described as the high pitched screech of wood scraping against wood. “That one was weird though.” 

Both of their breaths caught in the back of their throat and they looked up at each other sharply as they heard a male voice groaning. 

"It's happening.” Kera stated looking across the quiet street. 

“No.” Steve said shaking his head. “It can’t be. One of them must have just stubbed his toe or some…” He paused and he caught his bottom lip between his teeth as the sound came through the system a second time. It was happening. It was defiantly happening and Kera was missing it. This wouldn’t end well. 

"No." Kera said aloud standing up. Leaning on the windowsill to open the window and lean out. As though by moving just a few inches closer she might be able to see through the cloth obscuring her view. “No, no, no.” She repeated. “This is not allowed.” 

“Well it is kind of their home.” Steve said and winced as he heard some other piece of furniture move in the other apparent. Accompanied by no shortage of rapid breathing and moving cloth. “But at least you can listen.” 

That hadn’t been the right thing to say. 

“I’m going over there.” Kera announced, already climbing over equipment towards the door. “There’s a crack of light between the curtains.” 

“What?” Steve asked. “No you can’t.” He continued, standing and looking for some sort of clear path to cut Kera off before she could get out. “Didn’t we just talk about the crazy lady at the door?” 

“I’m not going to knock.” Kera scoffed pulling a coat over her shoulders. “That would be stupid. Besides you were just telling me how much I should get outside.” 

Steve groaned loudly and then flinched as something smashed. The sound echoing in the room through the system. 

“And they are having first time, wild, unbridled sex over there and I’m missing it!” She had the door open. “This is what we’ve been waiting for.” 

“What you’ve been waiting for.” Steve argued, stressing the pronoun. “Why can’t you just listen? That’s weird enough.” 

“Because this is only going to happen once. And I’ll be dammed if I miss it because they decided privacy was an issue.” She said half in and half out of the room. Watching as Steve balked at that statement. “Oh calm down. They’ll never even know I was there.” 

“Alright.” He stated throwing his hands up in defeat. “But if you’re arrested.” 

“You’ll bail me out.” Kera said smiling sweetly. 

“I was actually going to say we don’t know each other but your way works too.” He said. “Just be careful.” 

Kera’s expression turned into a grin. “Nope.” With that she closed the door firmly behind her. 

Leaving Steve alone in the room. The sounds of two men, getting to know each other intimately his only company. Well that, the binoculars he began to use to watch Kera’s progress across the street and the theme tune to Mission Impossible he began to hum. He knew it was cheesy but when something just felt right, you had to start humming. 

Kera didn’t realise she had forgotten to look both ways for traffic right up until the moment she hit the pavement on the other side of the road. Considering she was still alive she didn’t dwell on it too much but something that might have made her stop and think about what she was planning to do would probably have been helpful. Had there have been some sort of pause from when she left her apartment and came to a stop at the foot of the erected scaffolding. She might just have thought twice before starting to climb it. 

As it was, the pull of Johnlock was too strong. She was pulling herself up onto the structure, and outside the second floor windows. 

Steve had hit the high point of his melody by this point. Enjoying the tense tune to accompany watching Kera’s athletics. He’d even started to jig a little on the spot. 

Kera ducked low under a window, the occupants inside sounded like they were having some sort of heated, domestic argument. So it was doubtful they would have noticed her. She kept to the shadows anyway, it was far more fun to make the effort to be stealthy. 

She reached her destination, certain she hadn't been seen and slowly straightened back up to her full height. She had to lean over the side of the scaffolding in order to look inside. Then sighed. Content. 

They hadn’t finished, as she had feared. Actually they had barely even started. Now this was it. This was the moment she had been sitting in that cramped apartment for. It was finally here and she was transfixed. 

And suddenly they were moving. They went out of the room. Still entangled but out of view. Kera pulled herself back upright, moving once more along the line of windows until she reached John’s room. Crouching down and peaking over the top of the windowsill. She’d needn’t have worried. Their eyes probably hadn’t even opened, let alone been distracted by the eager face at the window. 

However they didn't enter this room. Switching from wall to wall in a mess of limbs and long coats. Right past the doorway. Kera grunted a little in frustration and moved along once more. Peeping into the last room of 221B then proceeded to wait patiently at the glass for the two men to slowly make their way down the hallway. 

She stared at the open doorway for a long moment. Willing them back into view. Thinking it may turn out that it would have been better if she had been content to just listen. She almost jumped right out of her own skin when she felt her phone begin to vibrate against her leg. She reached for it in a rush, scared that the silent vibrations would get her caught. One glance at the bright screen and she answered. “God damn it Steve.” She whispered in a hiss. 

“You’re welcome.” Steve said and she could hear the sounds of Sherlock and John’s foreplay through the phone. 

“Alright fine. Thank you.” She whispered. Pressing the phone closer to her ear and looking back through the window. 

She heard through the call and through the window as the two men finally came through the door and tumbled together onto the bed. 

“Is it as good as you thought it would be?” Steve echoed in her ear. 

“Better.” She breathed, transfixed by the sight. Coats we’re missing, chests were bared, belts were unbuckled and John was reaching into the bedside cabinet. Making Kera frown as she watched. Then very suddenly and probably more importantly said “What?” Extremely disappointed in what she had seen. 

Steve hissed in her ear. Both John and Sherlock looked over and looked right into her eye. 

“Oh. Crap.” Kera said. Stunned into stillness. 

"What?" Steve asked and she heard him hitting one of the speakers. “Everything went really quiet.” He paused for a moment. “Oh.” 

“Yeah.” Kera said slowly nodding her head. He was probably watching her anyway. Sherlock standing up was enough to spring her into action. “Abort! Abort!” She shouted into the phone turning on her heel and looking for a quick way back down to the pavement. “Position has been compromised!” 

“When did you learn to speak like that?” Steve asked calmly and it sounded like his mouth was full. 

“Too much TV.” Kera responded. Finding a thin elevator platform suspended by a weight and pulley system. “Now are you going to help me?” She asked as she kicked the wooden bar that was keeping the platform elevated so it would begin a quick but safe decent. 

"You look like you’re doing fine without me.” Steve said calmly. 

"That’s not the point Steve.” Kera snapped looking down as the ground approaching and then up as a shirtless Sherlock bent over the scaffold to look down at her. Then turned back into the apartment. At speed. “I think they’re going to chase me.” 

“You were just looking through their window while they were trying to have sex.” Steve pointed out but she could hear him shuffling around all of the equipment. “I’d follow you.” She could almost hear him shrugging. “I’ll meet you at the spot.” He huffed and disconnected the call. 

"Yeah.” Kera said into the dead line and put her phone away as she stepped off the platform and began to run down the dark street. 

She heard the two men behind her. Running and shouting at her to stop. She didn’t. She kept running, she couldn’t outrun them. Couldn’t outrun Sherlock. Not in London but she didn’t need to. She just needed to get far enough away to meet with Steve. 

She ducked down an alley between two shops. The walls so close together she had to slow down and barrelled into the tiny, paved yard behind the apartment they had set up their surveillance. 

Steve was there waiting for her. “How did it go?” He asked her pulling up his sleeve to revel a huge bulky watch on his arm. 

“There we’re condoms in Sherlock’s room and John knew where they were.” She said looking disappointed. 

Steve frowned as he pressed numbers into his oversized watched. “So they’re safe.” He said over the sequence of beeps it produced. “That’s a good thing right.” 

“It wasn’t their first time.” She pointed out. 

He stopped for a moment. “Ohhh.” He said in realisation. 

“Steve.” Kera said snapping her fingers in front of his eyes. “They’re still chasing me. Let’s get out of here.” 

"Right, right.” He said looking back down at the devise. “Hold on tight. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.” 

“Do you always have to say that?” Kera asked him stepping closer and wrapping her arms around him and he did the same to her. 

He pressed a few more buttons, grinning. “Yep.” And with a flash of light they popped out of existence. Leaving behind an embarrassed John Watson and very irritated Sherlock Holmes who rounded the corner just in time to be blinded by the flash. 

=====

They landed on sand. Stepping back from each other. “That was close, right?” Steve said. Elated by all of the excitement. 

“Yeah.” Kera grumbled. “We’re here again?” She asked looking around them and the desolate landscape. 

“Because this place is awesome.” Steve said and led her over the crest of a sand dune. As they looked down they could see two Autobots beginning to converse. Plates shifting everywhere. “And these guys don’t mind if we watch.” He concluded sitting down, then patting the warm sand beside him. 

“That’s true.” Kera said sitting down next to him. 

“We’ll find you another world.” Steve promised as they settled in for the rest of the evening. “One where they haven’t done it yet. Then we can go through it all again.” 

“You promise?” Kera asked looking up at him, hugging her knees to her chest. 

Steve laughed. “Sure. There’s gotta be one, right?

**Author's Note:**

> So now you've read it. Where are they going? Where have the been? What did they see when they were there? If you have anything to add to this. Please Please Sent it to me and between us all we can 'catalouge' some adventures of Kera and Steve.


End file.
